At least a portion of us have been there. You’re either out with friends or at home with your cats. You’re sipping on some drinks, feeling good. Then the gottahaveits start to kick in. Don’t be ashamed, it happens to the best of us.
You are not alone!
So here is a list of what not to buy when you are drunk. Be sure to leave a comment below with your tips on what not to buy when you’re drunk!!
You’ll thank me for this later. Buying 7-11 pizza when you’re drunk could lead to riding shotgun down the interstate offering your neighbors a slice. This may lead to you tossing the pizza which lands on the windshield, impairing the drivers vision and leading to a devastating incident. Do not, under any circumstances, buy 7-11 pizza when you’re drunk.
Maybe you realized how bad your backyard really is. Perhaps you’re lonely and need a companion. Or, you’ve just watched a commercial with an adorable goat. It happens, but try not to buy a goat when you’re drunk.
A Sail from a Sailboat
Chances are you don’t really need it… and if you walk down the road (one more time) wearing a sail as a toga you just may get arrested. Or committed. Or Punk’d.
The Sound of Music
If you’re the type that gets a hankering for classic musicals then maybe… otherwise avoid purchasing the Sound of Music when you’re drunk. I doubt it will be among My Favorite Things
Boy George Tickets
No. Just no buying Boy George tickets when you are drunk.
Wood for a Fireplace (in the summer)
Raise your hand if you’ve ever wanted to light the fireplace in the middle of summer. I’ve tried but luckily had friends around to stop me.
20 Cans of Whipped Cream
Nothing good could possibly come out of buying 20 cans of whipped cream when you’re drunk. Nothing.
A Knit Scarf
Have you ever stuck your feet in wool socks? They may sound like a fun idea while you’re inebriated, but don’t do it.
Again, it may sound like a good idea but that could lead to some not so good events. Remember, your reaction time is delayed while drunk. Jumping from anything higher than your nose is a bad idea while drunk.
Designer Watch off the Street
No way you could haggle as good drunk as sober. Leave the knock off’s to the sober you.
A Timeshare in Dubai
So what did you do last week? “Oh, went to spend some time at my timeshare in Dubai” said no sober person ever.
Tattoos or Piercings
Tattoos and piercings are awesome. When you’re sober enough to choose something you wont regret. Getting the Chinese symbol for Stir-fried rice tattooed on your forehead? Not a genius thing to do.
A Piercing Gun
When you’re surrounded with friends who are also drunk it may be tempting to host an impromptu piercing party. Avoid this at all costs!
A Grand Piano
Besides the immense cost, where would you put it? You don’t even play the piano!!
A Condom of the Month Subscription
While condoms are never a bad thing to have on hand, subscribing to a sketchy company with an iron clad contract could be bad for your wallet. Head to the drug store instead.
These could easily be used against you as soon as you pass out. Which after that 5th, 8th, 12th… shot is inevitable. Avoid the semi-permanent porn stache and choose crayons instead 😉
As fun as a spur of the moment paint ball fight may sound, is it really the best choice? Definitely not if you have neighbors who wouldn’t be so understanding about their windows being shot out at 3 a.m. or if you’d prefer your siding not be permanently dyed.
Much like the whipped cream, nothing good comes from buying air duster when you’re drunk.
There’s not much that will send me into early dry heaves quicker than raw fish. While it may sound incredible in theory think about it. Is that spicy tuna roll going to bring up everything from the past few days? If any part of you says yes then don’t buy sushi when you’re drunk.
Who hasn’t wanted to hire a stripper at least once when they were drunk? The guy across the bar most likely isn’t a stripper. His girlfriend might take offense if you ask him to take his clothes off for money. Leave the strippers to the bachelorette parties and clubs.